Do All Thai Massages Have a Happy Ending? | Travel | Thailand
Do all Thai massages have a happy ending? Adam shares a recent story from his travels in Thailand, where he was left flustered and confused by a Thai masseuse who gave him the wrong idea... or did she? If you're travelling to Thailand and intending on getting a Thai massage, use this episode as a lesson or a warning. It would seem Thai massages can be every bit as spicy as the food.
Support the show and access the Lost & Found section. The awkward backpacking stories continue, as Alun describes a service he received in a bath house in South Korea. Let's just say he scrubs up well.
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Intro
02:17 - Braving the typhoon
06:03 - Thai massages
11:53 - Is there a happy ending?
24:34 - Missed opportunity
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Welcome to Tripology
Alun:
[0:02] Hello and welcome to this episode of Tripology Podcast. It's a backpacking show where two best friends get together and talk about all the travel that they've had. I'm Alan and I'm here with the other Scandant, Adam.
Adam:
[0:15] Did you see me mouthing the intro as you were talking?
Alun:
[0:18] It's unmouthable. You can't predict what direction I'm going. I bet Scandant wasn't in there.
Adam:
[0:23] No, it wasn't. I actually couldn't continue long before that. Exactly. I got to podcast and then freaked out because I didn't know what you were going to say next. None of us do.
Alun:
[0:31] No, we never do. Not even I know. Skandan, Adam, means possessive of the ability to climb well. And I described you as that because yesterday I took you on a little climb.
Adam:
[0:42] You did. You did. In a bouldering gym.
Alun:
[0:44] And I was impressed with the bouldering that you displayed.
Adam:
[0:47] Thanks very much.
Alun:
[0:48] Japanese gyms, notoriously. The hardest gyms in the world.
Adam:
[0:52] We do know a Japanese gym, actually, but he lives in Canada.
Alun:
[0:55] Yep, different spelling. We went to a bouldering gym, which isn't his first name. And you did, you impressed me with your ability to climb plastic holds on a wall.
Adam:
[1:07] It's intimidating doing most things other than football with you. Because I think you've got a knowledge of so many things and you're very good at so many things. Yeah.
Alun:
[1:16] And when we play football, I historically go quite easy on you. But with bouldering, i think uh you were impressive for an inexperienced climber you showed an innate scandent ability and as such i will take you again i'm
Adam:
[1:33] Very glad i'm very glad what i do want to highlight is that going bouldering in tokyo might seem quite alternative even sort of a more normal thing to do it's not a tourist attraction is it but that's what i love about being with you in tokyo and living in the same house as you in a residential area is that you you do kind of more normal things it's a different style of travel.
Alun:
[1:51] Yeah i'm just living here aren't i and the bouldering gym is exactly equidistant between the place that i live and the location that i work and as such i frequent it often uh at the moment friends listeners people who have randomly stumbled upon this podcast after typing in japan on spotify or apple or another streaming platform um it's a typhoon there's a typhoon currently passing through typhoon jangmi i think you'll agree it's cold is going at a rip-roaring pace. And as a result, many establishments are closed. The rain is colossal. The wind is abhorrent. And with the colossal wind and abhorrent rain slamming through the world at breakneck pace, everything's stuck fast and we're stuck inside with sore forearms podcasting. And that's the way I like it, baby.
Adam:
[2:46] Yeah, we went out for some food earlier and it was unpleasant, I think. It was limit, wasn't it? It was that threshold where you think we probably should have stayed in.
Alun:
[2:56] The food?
Adam:
[2:56] No, no, the food was fine. But the conditions, walking around, the umbrella was going, you know, inside out. And it was coming in sideways. It was uncomfortable.
Alun:
[3:04] It's always embarrassing when the umbrella goes inside out, isn't it? Yeah. There's two options in my mind when the umbrella goes inside out.
Adam:
[3:11] Get rid of the umbrella.
Alun:
[3:12] You can either put it down and walk away.
Adam:
[3:17] Or sometimes... That's littering, which in Japan is a crime.
Alun:
[3:19] Do you ever do? because like many things that happen on the street in public, it's a performance, isn't it? uh to some degree yeah i guess so it's not happening in the private sphere for example if you realize on your map that you've been walking the wrong way yeah
Adam:
[3:35] You commit to it.
Alun:
[3:36] You either commit to it or you perform a oh i've gone the wrong way turn around just show everyone else that that's what's happening you can't just you can't just turn on your heel and start walking that's what psychopaths would do the
Adam:
[3:48] Roads seem to have changed.
Alun:
[3:49] Direction yeah exactly i start going backwards moonwalking so with the umbrella situation yeah you one thing you can do and what i like to do is look dissatisfied with the umbrella turn it into the wind and sort of flick it just pop it and pop it back and i think actually i'm so good at doing that but i like it when my umbrella turns inside out because it's an opportunity to make eye contact with someone across the road and go show
Adam:
[4:17] Off yeah show off yeah i mean it doesn't really change your behavior if there's no one else around, does it? That's what you mean by.
Alun:
[4:22] If there's no one else around, then I'm not going outside anyway. Because it's clearly the apocalypse.
Adam:
[4:29] Uh so yeah typhoon's happening we caught wind of it yesterday yeah.
Alun:
[4:33] Literally figuratively caught wind of it
Adam:
[4:36] When if you're not laughing at that joke then i.
Alun:
[4:39] Mean there's other there are other podcasts available if you're not laughing at that joke perhaps go and listen to something else maybe something more sensible but yeah we caught wind of it and
Adam:
[4:49] You got the notification from 7-eleven didn't you that you might not be needed at work today my.
Alun:
[4:53] Workplace said if you come in to work sopping wet windswept you've wasted your time because that location's closed
Adam:
[5:02] There are not enough egg sandwiches in the world yeah so warrant you being present at work so i've had the day.
Alun:
[5:07] Off unlike with all days off that we find ourselves having we've decided to spend it kind of doing this which is nice it's very talking to you what else has happened mate
Adam:
[5:19] Um well actually i was going to use this show to talk about the sort of stuff that i got up to in thailand just to round off because we do like to do things when they're fresh in our minds we like to do things when they're in chronological order i.
Alun:
[5:30] Was going to use this show to try and get famous but it's not worked so far go on tell us about thailand
Adam:
[5:36] Uh there are other ways you can get famous yeah that's true not just necessarily with a with a travel podcast and one of the ways might be the story i'm about to tell you about but it's it's maybe uh more difficult even more difficult than travel podcast okay i think in some respects it could be a quicker route to success for you i'm buckled in um think about a few things you can guess here play along at home if you'd like to, um what what sort of stuff is thailand known for from from a tourist perspective they're.
Alun:
[6:08] Known for fielding a very strong female ping pong team yes they're known for washing elephants and sedating tigers
Adam:
[6:17] Yes they.
Alun:
[6:19] Have one of the cheaper dive centers locations in the world
Adam:
[6:24] Yeah so it's not exactly the same as the you know it's not within the ping pong arena but think about that sort of you know you're going down the right path legal marijuana no no alcohol what is one of thailand's greatest exports that seems like in terms of soft power or hard power or happy power lady boys massages i'm talking about massages the thai massage it's been a phrase that's coined it's now sold all around the world there are massage parlors all over the place certainly in western countries that offer a thai massage now.
Alun:
[6:54] A thai massage from my understanding the first massage I ever received in my life was Thai. I was fully clothed. I was lay on the floor. A woman, like a small ball of fury, sort of like attacked my back with such vitriol. It was difficult to believe there wasn't some negative emotion involved.
Adam:
[7:17] Like she had a vendetta against you or something like that?
Alun:
[7:20] Something.
Adam:
[7:20] Something happened in her life and she was retaliating in the form of giving you a mess up.
Alun:
[7:24] That's how I felt about it, certainly, because I'd never been treated like that.
Adam:
[7:28] Fair enough. I mean, that's pretty ubiquitous. I think that's quite linear in terms of an experience. A lot of people say they go too hard.
Alun:
[7:34] Yeah.
Adam:
[7:35] If you know what I mean. But the happy ending, let's just cut to the chase.
Alun:
[7:40] Okay, yeah. For those of you who don't know. No, you do know. We know you know.
Adam:
[7:45] We know you know. If you don't know, we're not going to tell you. Just Google it. Google it.
Alun:
[7:49] Thai massage, happy ending.
Adam:
[7:50] Yeah, it's something that you hear jokes about before you go to Thailand, before you even go to Southeast Asia. It's something that I knew of long before I came to Thailand. And it was something I was a little bit worried about, I have had a Thai massage before. It was in Chiang Mai. It was in 2015. Okay. It's just a normal massage. It was still a little bit rough like your one.
Alun:
[8:10] Yeah.
Adam:
[8:10] And it's almost an obligation. I feel like a lot of travellers, a lot of backpackers, holidaymakers who go to Thailand, they feel like it's one of the things they should get.
Alun:
[8:19] Oh, it was like to check a box,
Adam:
[8:21] For example. Yeah, not the happy ending. I just mean a Thai massage. Yeah, yeah.
Alun:
[8:23] We're not talking about happy endings now. You've thought of that, you dirty listener.
Adam:
[8:27] Yeah, drag your minds out the gutter.
Alun:
[8:28] Yeah, come on. Stop making stuff up. We're just talking about Thai massages.
Adam:
[8:33] Honestly my goodness um but i maybe that was that thought was in my head i thought well i am in thailand and i do need a massage yeah and i've been here for a week i was in bangkok for a week you walk down some areas of bangkok especially in sukham viet silam places like that you solicited there's there's like seven or eight in a row now.
Alun:
[8:50] I think it would be a shame if you didn't do an impression of someone asking you if you wanted a thai massage from the side of the road
Adam:
[8:56] It's pretty short conversation so i'm happy to do it okay we can role play it let's go i'm.
Alun:
[9:00] Gonna be you
Adam:
[9:01] It It usually goes like this, sir, sir. And I say, what would you say if you were me? Hello. No, I normally say, I'm fine, thank you.
Alun:
[9:18] You just say that.
Adam:
[9:18] Yeah, I say, thank you very much.
Alun:
[9:19] They say, sir, and you say, thank you very much. Like Elvis, leaving the building.
Adam:
[9:23] I appreciate it, but I'm not coming in today.
Alun:
[9:26] That is a short conversation.
Adam:
[9:29] Short conversation. Sawadi.
Alun:
[9:30] Cannot deal with you
Adam:
[9:32] Right now I try to in the very same breath Look at the price Look at the list Because it's usually promoted on the window Oh yeah Oh it's promoted to high heaven Going rate at the moment in Bangkok It's about 300-400 baht For a Thai massage Usually about an hour full body How much.
Alun:
[9:45] Is that in dollars?
Adam:
[9:48] Tenner maybe wow eight to ten quid for.
Alun:
[9:51] The price of three pineapples on offer at 7 11 you can get a
Adam:
[9:56] Massage Thai massage um it's something like that i mean i think it was as low as three to five dollars when i started well yeah.
Alun:
[10:03] Yeah it's gone up it's tripled in price a lot of people have been saying
Adam:
[10:06] Uh so so anyway i knew i needed one i knew i wanted one i've got some lower back pain like we all have me too.
Alun:
[10:12] Part of the reason for that is that we do this podcast sat on a bed with our backs against a horrible straight wall yeah my back's hurting right now
Adam:
[10:20] Well if we can ever afford to rent a studio maybe yeah you know it's in tokyo.
Alun:
[10:25] Historically one of the more expensive cities in the
Adam:
[10:28] World oh yeah but this is fine this is it's authentic isn't it it's lo-fi it's yeah yeah i'm gonna.
Alun:
[10:33] I'm gonna take this pillar
Adam:
[10:34] Yeah do it while.
Alun:
[10:36] We're talking about
Adam:
[10:36] Massage we're on my bed not alan's bed yeah alan's banned us from recording in his room yeah yeah as far as other businesses, but anyway i went up to concaine in the isan region okay which is going to feature twice if we manage to get around to it uh and i was walking the streets late at night fair to say about seven or eight p.m and i thought this is the opportunity for me to get a massage i would say that's.
Alun:
[10:58] Early at night but quite late in the evening
Adam:
[11:00] Uh early yes yeah late evening i'd already had something to eat and i thought what i should do before i go to bed is have my first massage in Thailand of this trip. So I did a bit of research online. I found this place. It was down a side street, but not a side street that it looked dodgy. It wasn't an alleyway. It was just the entrance to a hotel that had a few shops along the right-hand side. Yeah. I went up to it, looked in the window, and the woman was asleep. And I didn't have the heart. I didn't have the heart. To wake her up and say, I want a massage at your place. It's really well-rated on Google. So I found another one close by. I went up to that one, and it looked even better.
Alun:
[11:39] Wow. But where awake?
Adam:
[11:41] Awake staff. Wow. There was just a receptionist in there who spoke very good English. this was it looked more up market it was cleaner it was more minimal in terms of its design it had a water fountain in the foyer that.
Alun:
[11:51] Is up market
Adam:
[11:52] And there was a sign in the reception that said can you guess happy ending uh-huh close it did involve the words happy ending no happy ending exactly that's.
Alun:
[12:02] What you want to see if you're a man like you who i know consent is a big part of what makes sex sexy for you and so i think that paying
Adam:
[12:11] If there's anyone listening to this show and that isn't what makes sex sexy to you, then you've got a problem.
Alun:
[12:16] Yeah. But for you, I know that's always been the case. So the idea of paying someone to do a sexual favor, that doesn't wash with you.
Adam:
[12:25] Doesn't serve me out. And it's not going to eradicate my lower back pain.
Alun:
[12:28] So seeing no happy ending, I don't think there's any studies on that. I think there's a chance that it could alleviate the lower back pain. But I know for you, seeing no happy ending written on the wall, there would have been a wave almost orgasmic in and of itself of relief that nothing untoward was going to go on in the massage
Adam:
[12:52] Yes because even that very moment when there's an interaction where the masseuse catches your eye.
Alun:
[12:59] At the end yeah
Adam:
[13:01] Yeah I mean usually well even if it comes at the beginning of the massage it's usually the.
Alun:
[13:05] End it's a nightmare when it comes at the beginning of the massage isn't it god I paid for an hour 60 minute massage
Adam:
[13:14] Yeah that's always play at the end there's a lesson for you um but yeah you know i thought i just thought that was normal i thought oh this is just a massage but i think my default really i'm quite naive in this you think the best no i just think it's a massage parlor and i thought that those things were a thing of the past unless they're on like soy cowboy or some like really sleazy red light district area i didn't think it was just a massage parlor and it's one of the services that they offer sometimes i thought it was a little bit more sinister a little bit more backdoor than that you know i mean either way.
Alun:
[13:42] I think it's good of them to have the sign yes it's obviously happened enough that people have gone what happens at the end of this massage that they've gone we can solve a lot of these questions with a sign
Adam:
[13:52] Yeah yeah what was.
Alun:
[13:54] The image on the side
Adam:
[13:55] There was no image it was just text it was just text a text-based sign it's okay i even think it was just times new roman just you know it's like they were just yeah i like a word document comic.
Alun:
[14:05] Sans doesn't go down well does it no happy endings and then he's like sorry i appreciate the sign but you did write it in one of the funniest fonts that there is so were you serious
Adam:
[14:15] Uh yeah so i thought to myself well this is clearly, um a business a serious business yeah that just wants to offer a professional service i could see the certificates on the wall as well of the lady who owns the place the receptionist was very friendly professional highly qualified all that kind of stuff and the water fountain i mean if there's not a water fountain in the foyer you've got to be asking a few more questions yeah but with the sign as well i thought this is just going to be a great massage paid for the Thai massage um and was told that the masseuse who was going to give me a massage had to be phoned because the two masseuse two masseuse i yeah masseuse i masseuse i masseuses um were currently busy so i went upstairs to the waiting room and then lo and behold a lovely little middle-aged woman lovely.
Alun:
[15:04] Little middle-aged woman one of the
Adam:
[15:06] Masseuse i a thai woman she was probably if i had to guess which i don't but i'm going to guess she was in her late 40s or early 50s oh that's not.
Alun:
[15:17] Even middle age sometimes
Adam:
[15:18] If she lived.
Alun:
[15:20] To 100 yeah and science tells us that the person the first person on earth who will live past 150 statistically is probably already been born
Adam:
[15:32] Yeah oh wow so she was yes she's.
Alun:
[15:34] Probably only a third way through
Adam:
[15:35] Her life yeah so all right she's um i don't even know how i'd say that how to express that but she she was roughly a.
Alun:
[15:43] Third of the way
Adam:
[15:43] Through a third of the way through her life um but i could tell she was probably late 40s early 50s really nice didn't really speak any english which isn't a problem if you're giving it's.
Alun:
[15:53] Only a problem if there has to be awkward negotiation at the end of the massage which you know in advance there doesn't have to
Adam:
[15:58] Be exactly the sign confirmed that the look at the place so anyway the massage started quite slowly and i was thinking in my head i was i was laying down i'd already changed my clothes into their kind of pajama things, i was laying on the bed i was the only one upstairs in the massage room because the other two people in the establishment were getting foot massages oh no from the other masseuse i i was up the top the masseuse were.
Alun:
[16:21] Massaging them with their
Adam:
[16:22] Feet no no with their hands oh not their own hands yeah hand to foot i understand Stand to foot massage. Yeah. No fish involved. And I was upstairs on my own, very relaxing. The curtains were drawn. I was just, you know, like a four-poster bed type situation. Yeah, yeah. Relaxing music in these pajama things, lying down on my front with this masseuse.
Alun:
[16:47] With a towel placed over the butt cheeks.
Adam:
[16:50] No, no, no. Not what you mean under them. No, it was something. I was on my back.
Alun:
[16:54] Oh.
Adam:
[16:55] Yeah, I was on my back. And I don't know if I said front, but I was on my back. You did say front. Sorry, I meant back I was on my back With my front exposed But I was in the pyjamas Okay I was thinking to myself I know it's not going to be sexy Now.
Alun:
[17:08] You've said you're on your front and back so much I imagine you're doing sort of a pencil roll on the bed Yeah
Adam:
[17:15] Downward dog she can't keep.
Alun:
[17:16] Track of you
Adam:
[17:17] Yeah it was a nightmare so um sorry i was on my back with my front pointing up to the ceiling crikey she.
Alun:
[17:27] Should be so lucky
Adam:
[17:28] Oh let me get the story as.
Alun:
[17:30] If to increase the surface area with which you can massage
Adam:
[17:32] And i was thinking to myself uh just relax enjoy it i'll go my eyes closed i know it's not going to be sexy i was in a you know very relaxed state not worrying about anything at all there was going to be no awkwardness it was going to be maybe a little bit of pain sure emotional and then very slowly, lady the lady started crawling up my legs wow yeah so imagine you're laying down on your back i'm imagining it and she she starts at your ankles okay she has one hand on each of your legs we'll.
Alun:
[18:11] Have to role
Adam:
[18:11] Play it good job this is an audio podcast and then very slowly one hand at a time on each side is crawling up my body towards my crotch now.
Alun:
[18:23] Is, like, right hand, right leg, left? Okay, wow.
Adam:
[18:28] Well, I mean, I guess it would have been the opposite for her because she's coming towards me.
Alun:
[18:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Adam:
[18:33] But she's coming up towards me. And, I mean, I'm thinking to myself, I don't know a lot about Thai massages. I don't know about the mechanics of the body, really. But if someone's crawling up your legs towards your crotch...
Alun:
[18:46] Yeah, at some point, things are going to get pretty happy.
Adam:
[18:50] And, you know, I'd mentioned to the receptionist that I had sort of lower back pain. and maybe to concentrate on my shoulders and stuff. I don't know if you know a lot about the anatomy of a human, but your crotch isn't that close to your shoulders.
Alun:
[19:00] No. It's one of the... It's equidistant. It's like the climbing gym on my way to work. It's halfway.
Adam:
[19:08] And then she spread my legs.
Alun:
[19:12] Whilst climbing on it?
Adam:
[19:13] Well, she got to the...
Alun:
[19:14] Like she was doing a star jump.
Adam:
[19:16] She separated my legs and then knelt in between them.
Alun:
[19:21] Right.
Adam:
[19:21] Right and is that the past tense of kneeled knelt yeah um and and then just you know use her hands to feel my upper thigh don't.
Alun:
[19:32] Say feel because she was massaging
Adam:
[19:34] Was she though well.
Alun:
[19:36] You tell me
Adam:
[19:37] Well i'm telling you now i'm telling everyone listening to this it felt it felt a bit sexy.
Alun:
[19:42] It felt more of a feel than a massage
Adam:
[19:44] Yeah i mean there was some pressure don't get me wrong we're gonna have to.
Alun:
[19:46] Do a case report
Adam:
[19:47] But but i didn't know what to expect at this point because it was my first one for 10 years. So I thought, just close your eyes, enjoy it. This is probably just a normal thing. Because you know there's no happy ending.
Alun:
[19:57] Yeah, you're in your head too much.
Adam:
[19:59] And then she started concentrating very heavily, in a focused way, around the crotch. And I could feel in my area that she was, I don't really know how to explain this, but there was a bit of forearm action. Okay. She was using her forearm on my inner thigh.
Alun:
[20:17] Good, increasing the pressure.
Adam:
[20:18] And then up to the crotch. Okay. And then she was... I'm not going to go into detail because this is a travel show.
Alun:
[20:23] Yeah, it's family friendly.
Adam:
[20:24] But she was using her forearm to maneuver, to move things out the way, shall we say, so that she could access a deeper part of my crotch.
Alun:
[20:34] I like the way she's doing it because she's using... The elbow is one of, it's got some of the least nerve endings on the whole body. So she's keeping her nerves away from your erogenous zone, which I think is respectful.
Adam:
[20:47] Yeah, respectful. Yeah. But it went on for so long and there was applied pressure, consistent pressure. So if you can imagine, she's already concentrating on my upper thumb.
Alun:
[20:56] I understand that now, yeah.
Adam:
[20:57] She uses her forearm, she drags it along towards my area.
Alun:
[21:02] Yeah, your knees.
Adam:
[21:03] No, the other way.
Alun:
[21:04] Okay, right.
Adam:
[21:05] And then she just holds it there for a while and gives it a little back and forth.
Alun:
[21:11] Yeah.
Adam:
[21:11] And I just thought...
Alun:
[21:12] What are you doing?
Adam:
[21:13] Yeah, this doesn't... I'm now not relaxed.
Alun:
[21:16] It's not a happy ending, but there's a hell of a middle to this story.
Adam:
[21:21] Yeah, I got in my head a little bit and I thought, if she's trying to do something that's vaguely like a massage, to see whether I am in a massage.
Alun:
[21:30] Receptive.
Adam:
[21:31] Yeah, I did think it was a little bit like that. So the massage from then on took that kind of form. And she was holding my hands and she was very lightly sort of caressing the inside of my palms. and you know concentrating a lot it was it was getting a bit sensual that's what i'm saying okay and there was a bit of force in some areas and you know she was applying pressure she even stood up on my back at one point.
Alun:
[21:55] You asked me to do that all the time for you yeah that's something by the way you might not know this tripology audience and when i say might not know i mean it would be mental if you did but something that me and adam have done since time immemorial in our relationship is that adam says alan can you stand
on my back he'll lie down on the floor and then i walk up his back and crack it for him not sure it's healthy but it's just one of the ways in which we connect yeah
Adam:
[22:19] And it's anything but sensual.
Alun:
[22:21] For you yeah for me there's a certain power play going on that i find erotic uh
Adam:
[22:28] It's a foot massage of sorts yeah still with no fish but um it was getting a bit sensual it was it was now soft touch caresses you know there were Extra touches involved that weren't just pressure points and massages. You know, there was a hand left around my neck. It felt like it was turning into something different. Okay. And then there was a moment where she told me to sit up. And she had her legs wrapped around my back. So her feet were sort of coming around in my crotch area.
Alun:
[22:57] Like a jiu-jitsu position. I guess so. Plus she could choke you out from there.
Adam:
[23:00] Yeah, I guess so. And she started massaging my arm up and down. stroking it on the inside and then she found a pressure point right under my armpit and my foot twitched nice she burst into laughter she was rolling around on the floor laughing so much that she couldn't even really continue the massage for another five minutes wow she was laughing so much you diffused it well it completely like broke because then it didn't matter that we couldn't communicate yeah yeah it wasn't about english versus thai or broken english or whatever she was laughing i was laughing we are rolling around on the floor together um you got the on the bed it was really funny she kept on laughing it became a bit of a joke where she kept on you know teasing that she was going to do it again and my foot was going um and it was just a really sort of sweet end and i don't know if i got the wrong end of the stick by what she was doing but i i it would be mental if that was the same massage that everyone got i.
Alun:
[23:57] Would be this is my thing i was going to ask is there a possibility that you just interpret it that way in your head because it is massage is a very
Adam:
[24:05] It's an intimate it's.
Alun:
[24:08] Very intimate i have a friend who's a masseuse yeah and i know that she has had people interpret her massage in that way right and she's been like mortified offended and pretty disgusted sure when people at the end of the massage are like i love you can i get your number that kind of thing right um so i trust your version of events but i also think perhaps you got a bit swept up in it
Adam:
[24:33] So there's a second part to the message okay i was feeling a little bit flustered a little hot under the collar yeah because of the whole thing and i was i was trying to think what you were thinking right.
Alun:
[24:45] You were thinking about me
Adam:
[24:46] Were you no no i mean obviously yeah it's a cool what would alan think take my mind off the situation i think about it think about it naked so I was basically hold on, I was trying to convince myself that that was just the standard. That is a Thai massage. That's what everyone gets. It doesn't matter who comes in. They're consistent. And that's the end of it, right? I deliberately kept my eyes shut for the vast majority. So I didn't have to deal with what was going on outside. I just let it happen, okay? Didn't react. Apart from the foot twitching.
Alun:
[25:18] Yeah, they just couldn't help out.
Adam:
[25:20] And then when I said thank you, I went to the toilet. So I probably, you know, after the massage and I changed my clothes and I went to the loo. let's say like five ten minutes or whatever had a quick chat with the receptionist and then left, the masseuse was waiting outside on her scooter my goodness and she turned she turned back when she saw me and she said hotel you.
Alun:
[25:43] Were fucking disgusting during that massage she said
Adam:
[25:47] What she said hotel like that and um i said what and she said where's your hotel, And I said, oh, it's about a 10-minute walk away. It's fine, I'm walking. And she looked at the back of her scooter and then, you know, sort of raised her eyebrows as if to say, do you want a lift? I assume.
Alun:
[26:08] Yeah, I think that was, yep.
Adam:
[26:11] And I folded like a piece of paper. And I just said, no, no, it's fine. Thank you, I appreciate it. You know, I'm sure you're just offering me a lift like all your other clients, like you would normally, because maybe you're going that way. Maybe it's on your way home. Yeah, yeah, probably. but I was like oh it's okay thanks I'll just walk actually and then she very slowly drove away and she even stopped at the corner and like looked back looked over yeah looked over and put her hand up like that and I just waved back and then uh did my shoes up and that was it skidaddled away so what.
Alun:
[26:39] Do you what's your opinion was she a let's face
Adam:
[26:43] It yeah yeah it's a missed opportunity from me isn't no I.
Alun:
[26:47] Don't know because was she was did she like you she fell in love with you during that massage or is she frustrated that she works at such a rigidly above board establishment and then she tries to poach clients? possible you didn't even consider that did you
Adam:
[27:04] Um tries to poach clients for what for happy endings oh right yeah i well i thought what a little side hustle yeah yeah yeah no i thought of that i thought of that was either that.
Alun:
[27:15] Or she was just romantically intrigued which one why wouldn't she be
Adam:
[27:17] Or she was just offering me a lift home also.
Alun:
[27:20] Possible we're both pigs why didn't we think of
Adam:
[27:22] That well i i was so naive in the situation that it took me a good few minutes i think i'd already reached home before i went that was probably what she was doing and i've since told other people that story very few and they said halfway through the story they went oh it's a dodgy massage place that's.
Alun:
[27:37] Interesting oh you see i have such faith in you and your ability that to like persuade people to fall in love with you that i i thought that maybe she just liked you and there was just a genuine offer
Adam:
[27:48] Even through no ability to communicate whatsoever yeah.
Alun:
[27:52] Because maybe she was like doing the same things she was like i love the way it's for twitch when i squeeze He's on his pressure point. That kind of thing, you know?
Adam:
[28:00] Yeah, I don't know. She was really sweet.
Alun:
[28:04] You tasted her?
Adam:
[28:05] Excuse me?
Alun:
[28:06] She said she was really sweet.
Adam:
[28:07] Oh, right. Oh, you did say that? Sorry. Jesus Christ. I thought you said if you texted her. No. I was hoping you said that. But it was just, I thought to myself, you know, even to this day, it was a few weeks ago now.
Alun:
[28:22] I'm so used to editing this podcast. I forget that we can't edit these ones. Carry on.
Adam:
[28:28] I think I was so used to... Yeah, I was just completely lost my train of thought. For the last couple of weeks, I've been thinking of that one moment. And, you know, it's like when you lose your credit card. I used this analogy with you earlier, actually. When you lose your credit card, it's obviously frustrating. But you don't mind if you never get it back. You just want to know what the fuck happened to it.
Alun:
[28:49] Yeah, where did it go?
Adam:
[28:51] And that's kind of how I feel about this. I just want to know. She's probably, you know, what do you call it? Occam's razor. The most likely. Wow.
Alun:
[28:59] Yeah, what a brilliant. And guys, can we just stop for a moment to appreciate the highbrow culture that Adam brings to the show? Referencing there, Occam's razor, a deductive tool used to decide what the most likely explanation is in any given situation. Occam's razor dictates that you should always assume that the most likely hypothesis is the true hypothesis.
Adam:
[29:21] Yeah. So the most likely hypothesis here, perhaps, for someone like me and my experiences in life, is that she was just a lovely woman who was offering me a lift home.
Alun:
[29:31] Occam's razor, that shit. That is what it was.
Adam:
[29:33] So, but you know, there is also a world and it's actually the same world we live in where she was either looking for a little whatever. Yeah, I... And I just want to know what the answer was to see what possible outcomes there could have been.
Alun:
[29:47] I think you're a lovely, handsome, kind man with brown eyes like the colour of oak that I think that the most... Occam's razor for me tells me that she just wanted to spend more time with you get to know you perhaps share a pizza on the bangkok waterfront and i think that that was probably what i choose to believe happened yeah
Adam:
[30:08] So i don't really know what the takeaway is it's probably.
Alun:
[30:10] Pizza even
Adam:
[30:12] If you are you know an experienced traveler who has had many experiences around the world it is also possible to remain naive um and and get yourself in situations that might be a little bit.
Alun:
[30:23] Awkward and why not treat yourself every now and again go and get a massage if you're backpacking you're weary you're tired Why not get someone, an above-board professional, to rub your muscles, fascia, and tendons in a manner that can only be described as well-practiced, deft, and professional? That's all we have time for today on this episode of Topology. But we do have a little special bonus zone that happens. There's theme music at the end of the show. That's no secret. We let everyone know that. It happens. but then after it you can go to patreon spend a little bit of cash perhaps the cost of a beginner stationary set you can get access to patreon the lost and found there's a link in the description and there's a show that occurs after the theme music it's good it's
Adam:
[31:13] Very good it's very good i think that was a very happy ending and i think we should go to the lost and found section we'll see you there we'll see you there cheers guys.
